Only Stars Can Arrive Really Stupidly late

So it’s the morning after the awards show before and I have to ask, are the seven dwarfs that judge the academy awards so frightening that hardly anyone dared to take a risk? While the presenters were going on about all the high gamble colours and dresses around I couldn’t see what the fuss was about. How can it be a risk to wear ‘the colour black’ or McQueen? If you were taking a real risk you’d wear someone that hadn’t been worn before (there I go biggin’ up Felicity Brown again). And how come they seem to be such pervs when it comes to best Actress Nominations? (Black Swan, Monster, Rooney Mara in Dragon Tattoo?)
But I digress, I’m here not to question but to judge so in we go.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Tom Ford

With Stacey Keibler arriving as a quality street sweet and JLo seeming to literary burst out of her dress thank God for Gwyneth. Turning up as part movie star part superhero, I would have LOVED it if she had gone one step further and actually worn a mask too!

Rooney Mara - Givenchy

Honestly the girl's face is lovely and she takes a mean photo but I’m really sick of this demure, awkward persona she stole from Kristen Stewart. The dress may have looked great on someone who wasn’t a living skeleton, and it not being black meant everyone else went wild for it but I was underwhelmed. Rooney Mara, the girl with the body fat and personality of a coat hanger (no offense to any coat hangers reading this).

Octavia Spencer – Tadashi Shoji

This was such a great dress for her and it’s one that a real person could pull off as well. From what I know (very little) she seems like such a decent person and thee middle sister loves it when real people gets props like this.
And she won too - In Your Face Skinny Po-faced Beatches!

Emma Stone - Giambattista Valli

I read a report labelling this as a perfect example of what not to wear to the Oscars, I admit I am biased (that’s my girl there) but I genuinely disagree. The voice, the makeup, the actual personality... How cool do you have to be to pull off that neckline? Stone cool (take note Kidman!)

Michelle Williams – Louis Vuitton

So she impressed me at the BAFTAS (a feat which I thought was as likely as John Galliano staging a Chris Brown style come back) but it seems that was the exception that proved the rule. What is that middle section? Peplum should be illegal when done this badly! (where's Victoria Beckham when you need her?)

Jessica Chastain – McQueen BEST DRESSED

Similar to the dress Anna Paquin wore to the Emmy's in 2010 only, y’know good. This is an example of how to do great hair, great make up and get yourself in a real I Mean Business dress. Close up it was even better plus I love that she came with her nana.

Viola Davis – Vera Wang WORST DRESSED

Does Vera Wang hate her? I know I wanted to see green (its hardly ever done)but this was not the tone I meant. Add the daft gash towards the bottom and the weird section that makes her boobs look completely fake and its all a massive fashion fail.

Angelina Jolie – Versace

Ooh what a departure for her to wear… black, as always she's flawlessly boring! Come on, put your scrawny leg and knobbly knee away and prove you really can pull off anything by wearing baby yellow or a pastel blue 1950's house coat.

Sandra Bullock – Marchesa

My other girl took a bit of a bashing on twitter for wearing this and I guess I can see what they meant as it doesn’t look amazingly tailored. But Sandra is the Queen and can do monochrome like no other. I don’t see that it's as bad as is being reported and definitely not in the Viola Davis 'whatwereyouthinking?' league.



However, for the first time in Academy Award history, a man upstaged all the girls as no matter who wore what this is the look everyone will be talking about.

Pictures from all over the place, who cares? I'm not making money from them!

Brits Blog!

So the Brits have come and gone again and with the exception of Laura Whitmore howling with laughter at Keith Lemon being not very funny there were a fair few highlights to the evening.

Rihanna was all sex on legs for her performance, even in those clunky boots. She’s fast becoming one of my imaginary entourage (along with Sandra Bullock and Emma Stone) which I am sure she’ll be pleased to hear.

Lana Del Rey looking all demure and glamorous (though barely able to open her eyes under the weight of those lashes) won International Breakthrough Act. Seeing as she’s been around all of 7 minutes this is quite some achievement, while I am definitely a fan of the album (see here) that seems a bit fast even for me.

Ed Sheran, turned up in a green elements t-shirt to perform his single, showing all and sundry that talent doesn’t need to be shoved down your throat to be effective. He was then obviously told by a parent or agent to stop being so slothenly and sharpen up in case/when he wins an award.

The best bit though had to be Adele. Don’t you just love her? 6 Grammys 2 Brits and not afraid to flip her middle finger at the corporate types when they cut her acceptance speech for winning Album of the Year short. To add insult to injury this was only to allow blur to do a set which looked to have been rehearsed as much as a Yr 5 school play, only not so professional. At least James Cordon had the sense to look mortified while he shooed her off stage (which he definitely did not look when he did the same for the One Direction kiddies).

On a personal note I would rather have listened to Adele belch the alphabet then 13 minutes of Damon’s vocals, although the massive lamb kebab was an interesting addition to the stage. Thee middle sister politely requests that he go back to working with the Gorillaz ASAP.

My New BF's - Part 2, Holly Fulton

Next on my wardrobe wish list is the clothes by one Holly Fulton. Her personal style seems to be channeling the girls from The House of Eliot and having appeared in Vogue among other magazines, she's definitely not struggling in the bank balance department. Yet still she doesn't seem to be used all that regularly for TV characters (by this I mean I haven't seen her in Gossip Girl) or red carpet wearers.Slinky silk maxi dresses in bright bold patterns and designs seem to be her forte, and if I could make outfits that resembled anything like the below I wouldn't stray too far from what I know either. Unfortunately I'm the kind of girl that sews her skirt to her tights (in my defence they were very thick tights and I was only 14) and burns her fingers on melted socks that have been shoved in the microwave to dry. Yes that did really happen, no I'm not making it up, I'm just that clever.

In the past Fulton's range has been very much in the style of 'Art deco meets Aztec glamour' but for her show today at London Fashion Week she cited Lady Chatterley as her inspiration (so be on the look out for flapper fashions and naked men then yes?). Her website doesn't give prices (its obviously of the 'if you have to ask you can't afford it' vein then) however not all her items require you to sell of a kidney or two. This scarf is on sale now at ASOS, granted its not one of her gorgeous dresses but its a start.

Though she's another one that you wont find in your local River Island, she is stocked in the Capital City on South Molton Street (see this blog for more info there!) and Ledbury Road as well as all these places.

Holly Fulton, A female not adverse to using more than a little colour in her collections.

My New BF's - Part 1 Felicity Brown

So I don't do 'real' fashion blogs. Though I love to read other's opinions on who's making good dresses and who should really have thrown themselves and their latest line off the top of a very tall building, I haven't tried my hand at those sorts of posts myself. I thought it was because I'd end up sounding like a mental patient giving their opinion on the latest couture or the kind of person who really really likes the scent of said designers backside, but really it's because I'm a bit of a coward. You see it's particularly difficult to be both sarcastic and complimentary at the same time and as sarcasm is my go to style (like you didn't know that?) I cannot compete with the myriad of blogs out there biggin' up those clever clogs that can sew a few pieces of material together.

However as its London Fashion week I'm feeling inspired to add a couple of posts letting you lot know who I think are designers worth parting with your hard earned readies for. These are not particularly hard up brand new designers, nor are they the ones you see everyone wearing to the Oscars. They seem to be somewhere in the middle and as such thee middle sister feels drawn to them.
In keeping with the UK theme this first one is British, female and I'm hoping has a minion that will happen across this post, forward it to their boss and then shower me with as many pieces from her collections as can fit in a Boeing 787 (if real designers do sizes 10-12?, that's 6-8 for any USA occupants out there). Come on down Felicity Brown!

Felicity has a full on Girl fest theme, Her signature look is all dip dyed ruffles and frills but the S/S 12 collection was when I seriously started considering if I could find the odd £3k to part with for a purchase (electricity or clothes?). I first discovered her when I saw a post on Facebook and felt the need to comment on the fact that it looked like the hem was falling down a bit (sorry about that Flick!). A closer inspection resulted in full on dress lust and a great deal of envy for anyone that went to the show or has an event where such dresses are deemed worthy attire.

My bitchy comment hasn't seemed to slow her down any as she presented at LFW on 18th Feb and has gowns appearing in the V & A British Glamour Exhibition. She also has this 'No 23' collection which is more sedate and more affordable (if you call £165 for a silk T-Shirt) affordable that is)

If I were ever to go to the Oscars (God knows why I'd be there but seeing we are in proper fantasy mode lets just say Ryan Reynolds asked me) I would wear one of these dresses and run away back to blighty before they could take it away from me.

Getting hold of her clothes is a little tricky as in the UK she is only stocked in Harvey Nichs and a small shop in Lemington Spa as well as, oh here!

http://www.felicitybrown.com/

Graftas and Bammys!

Oh award Gods, not that I would question your infinite wisdom but to have both the BAFTAS and the Grammys on the same weekend seems a little short sighted (if you don't mind my saying). What joys you have robbed us of! Watching Rhianna and Meryl Streep chatting about gowns (and politics too probably, you know what RiRi's like) hearing Nicki Minaj giving Colin Firth tips on flow. These are conversations that may never happen now due to the ceremonies occuring on either side of the pond on the same weekend. That said, like a good middle sister, I will solider on, stoically, and without complaint and simply turn my attention to advising the low down on what was worn by whom for BOTH red carpets. Cos I'm just that good!

Rhianna, Armani
Speaking of low down! Split to the thigh? Check! Split to the navel? Check! Bad dye job? Check! On anyone else this is a hot mess, on Rhianna, most people still would.

Kelly Osborne, Tony Ward
Super cute, I'm even coming round to the purple rinse, but no matter what her hair colour she's still never going to be as cool as...

Katy Perry, Elie Saab

I don't care if she is starting to resemble the blueberry one from the Strawberry Shortcake dolls, she can come round to mine and moan about Brand whenever she wants!

Adele, Armani - Best Dressed
Love this girl, love that she won so many awards, love that she looks a million dollars. Now please PLEASE stop losing weight!

Fergie, Jean Paul Gaultier - Worst Dressed

Oh Lordy! Did she mean to come out in Josh Duhamel's Y fronts?

Robyn, Calvin Klein - No wait! I take it back, THIS is worst dressed!
Seriously, what the hell is this? A warning to all DO NOT tailor your own clothes no matter how much you love you new (and also fucking ugly) boots.

Onto the Baffs - be prepared a shock is coming!
Michelle Williams H & M?
Holy Dawson's Creek! Not only does she look great but she's wearing a dress from H & M! loving this, please Shelly, don't ever go back to designer frocks again.

Tilda Swinton, Celine
OK what the fuck is going on here?! Have the two people I slag off most finally started reading my blog and decided to wear clothing that actually suits their bodies? Sure Tilda's makeup is still pretty crap but many many props on not emulating a drag queen at this red carpet.

Christina Ricci, Givenchy
Well its a tad too Dynasty for me but she's so cute she can get away with it, you can pretend she's Red Carpet Barbie and pop her in your pocket if the look gets on your nerves too much.

Kristen Wiig, Alberta Ferretti
Has she had some surgery? I swear I thought this was Mandy Moore when I first saw this photo.

Melissa George, Victoria Beckham - Best Dressed
Its highly possible she's been raiding Angelina Jolie's wardrobe, but am loving the drama of the waved hair, dark lip and slinky gown.

Naomi someone (am sure she wouldn't want us to remember her name in this get up anyway!), Pucci - Worst Dressed
And we have the answer to can you bleach and dye yellow an old Halloween costume then wear it to a red carpet without anyone noticing!

Some surprises there then, I think I need a little lie down now!

All photos from In Style Magazine

Weighing in on the Del Rey Hoopla!

So unless you're a goat herder from the Outer Hebrides with no interest in music you'll probably have heard of a girl called 'Lana Del Rey' and the small kerfuffle she's been causing. Having read, watched and listened to her for a while my opinions on the matter have been whooshing around in my noggin for so long that it seems now is the time to let them loose on society. Basically the girl has 2 camps the 'she's amazing everything she does is genius' camp and 'she's a damn liar whose name isn't even LDR and can't sing live' camp. Being a middle child, I side with reason here which is camp c 'honestly does it really f**king matter if you like the music?'

Yes she's changed her name, but so have many others in the spotlight. Sophie Kinsella wrote under the pseudonym of Madeline Wickham for years yet wasn't lynched when she came clean.  It's not as if she's some sort of Milli Vanilli enterprise. Yes on that Saturday Night Live appearance the notes she hit would have only been appreciated by whales or dogs, but chances are it was nerves which explains a lot. Whoever you are you're not going to sound all that great with tensed up vocal cords, it just ain't gonna happen.

And so what if the production on her album is as big a star as the singer? About time they got some credit for what they do! I've heard the whole album and think the producers worked it so you pay attention to what's going on in the background as much as the volcals. As long as she did write all the songs on the album as it states, then the girl has talent. The way she (and the producers) deliver this smorgasboard of sound is as if each song is a continuous poetic lyrical wave cleansing you from the inside out.

But really the only thing that matters is that you like it, so rather than listen to YouTube reviews or bitchy blogs (except mine, that's always worth a scan at the very least) go listen to a song of hers. If you like it try another one, like that too? then get the album. Or not, if you aren't impressed you're free to go buy the greatest hits of Zac Efron, Metalica's latest or Madeon's mixes (when they come out that is).

Because the thing of it is, we are blessed to live in a country where our tastes are not dictated to us, so go find something you'd rather hear and make yourself happy.