The wonderings, ponderings and other 'ings' of me. Lifestyle, review, news and opinion posts. Chic with a hint of sarcasm... hopefully!

Monday 31 January 2011

Spectacular And Gastly - The SAG Awards Red Carpet

You know the drill. There's an award ceremony, girls wear dresses (we mostly ignore the boys unless they're funny or hot - unfair maybe, but my world is not a democracy). I have an opinion and I have this blog. Ready or not SAG Red Carpet here I come!

Eva Longoria - Georges Hobeika

There's no doubting she looks lovely, but a dress this revealing is too much like a certain show about housewives! We get it - you're single, now just get on with it woman!

Christina Hendricks - L'Wren Scott

Yes it's a bit 'I was getting my hair and make up done and forgot to put on the dress before leaving the house' but she called it a smoking jacket herself and she's so sexy!

January Jones - Carolina Herrera

A sure fire hit this one. Amazing, though what's the deal with the weird blob of hair? If she'd left it loose and wavy like the Golden Globes it would have been a best dressed contender.

Lea Michele - Oscar De La Renta

Stunning (though still a little 'I forgot to eat last year'). The bitch in me really wants to see this girl looking rough one day!

Dianna Agron - Vintage Chanel (So Classy!)

The navy's a fabulous choice though I would have liked it if the dress was just a tad longer (not foot covering long, just hitting the ankles). The dark make-up is a nice change for her though.

Jane Lynch- Ali Rahimi

Ermmm, its not a great choice but her face looks softer than I have ever seen before. Thumbs up from the neck up!

Jayma Mays - Jenny P

Okay so the dress is just lovely (its Jenny Packham, how could it be anything else) and she does look beautiful, but seriously. If this woman doesn't put on some weight soon I'm afraid her head won't be able to hold itself up any more and will fall off completely.

Sophia Vergara - Roberto Cavalli - BEST DRESSED

Hottest MILF around. Love this! its so sexy, it fits so well, its so blue and so God. Damn. Gorgeous.

Winona Ryder - Alberta Ferretti

I know she's in Black Swan but that doesn't mean she has to look like a mental ballerina every day. And just because having a baby is 'on trend' (I hate that phrase, shoot me if you ever see it here again) doesn't mean you are supposed to look pregnant when you're not.

Angie Harmon - Monique Lhuillier
Waaaaay too much like a tacky dress in that Four Weddings show.

Natalie Portman - Azzaro
Yay! much better. Natalie, I beg you, make sure you go to Azzaro rather than Viktor & Rolf when (sorry I meant if) you win the Oscar.

Lauren Velez -(no one is admitting they made this!) WORST DRESSED
You'd think seeing as she works with a serial killer she'd be more careful. Everyone gets an off day but if you do this again Lauren, I'll help chop you up, wrap you in plastic and throw you over the side of Dexter's boat myself!

If I was to pick a guy, LL Cool J rocked it in Armani and Jesse Eisenberg I love you!

Let me know if you think I missed someone who looked incredible, or incredibly ridiculous or if you think my choices were just plain weird and I'll be back for the Grammys!


Friday 28 January 2011

What Happens on a Naughty Driver Course

The first thing I noticed about the group of ne'er-do-wells sat in the corner looking for all the world like they are waiting outside a headmasters office was how old we all were. There was only one poor girl in her early twenties looking embarrassed as hell to be seen in the same room as the rest of us, everyone else ranged from early thirties (yes I do still count as 'early' thirties!) all the way up to around 65 odd.

Most of us were grumbling about how unfair it was that we were caught and how we were only doing 36 in a 30 and one guy only 34, whilst Justin the course leader (started off slightly patronising, got better as he went on) went through the fire exits are here and here no smoking and most importantly no tweeting rules (apparently one guy got taken away in handcuffs half way through the course as he had been saying not all that nice things about the County Council which had brought him here, said CC were none too pleased it seems).

The usual info was spouted out, everyone thought speeding outside a school was a no-no (unless it was 2am on a Sunday morning) and the limits of dual vs single carriageway road (which surprised some people as 3 thought that a dual carriageway's limit was only 50mph). The random trivia was rolled out too, did you know S.L.O.W. written on the road stands for Speed Lower, Observe Warning? Me either!

But most of what we learnt was actually quite useful. Like if you get caught speeding you can ask for the 'secondary evidence' which means the Council in question has to produce a picture of you, if they can't, you're off the hook. Like flashing at drivers on the other side of the road, letting them know there's a police man with no soul and a mobile traffic camera round the corner is against the law (as you are obstructing an officer in the course of his duty). Apparently the thing to do now is to give a thumbs down sign so if you do see this, don't flip them the finger, they're trying to help you out.

apparently I'm tailgater as leaving anything less than 6 car lengths between you and the car in front of you is considered too close. One guy, firstly he was called Gary which upset me enough anyway, and secondly he was a white van driver, reckoned he left 5 van lengths between him and the car in front (though his middle finger was slightly higher than the rest of them so his intention may not have been to participate).

Like if you hit a pedestrian at 40 mph they have a 90% chance of dying...

Which what I was doing. Had I hit someone and they died I think I'm right in saying this would have resulted in my life been pretty fucked up, their family's life being pretty fucked up and more than a general feeling of yuckiness all round.

Not to sound cheesy or preachy but when at first we were asked how we felt about getting the invite to the course we all thought we were hard done by, by the end of the course most of us actually felt relief. Especially after seeing an animation of the worst motorway crash in UK history when 53 cars, vans and lorries smashed into each other and 10 people died.

Chances are when you read these statistics they wont affect you too much, I mean you're a good driver aren't you? And while there were a couple of ladies that were lets say 'moving on in years' and who still wouldn't admit they had ever made a mistake in the 38yrs they'd been driving I'd guess the rest of us left feeling a little different.

You can't volunteer for this course however if you get the chance (I'm not suggesting you to speed just for the opportunity you understand, just if) I would definitely recommend going on it. That and never hit a person at 40 mph if you can possibly help it.

Monday 17 January 2011

Golden Globes - For Lauren

As awards season rushes towards us like a five yr old rushes towards her daddy arriving home from work (or like I'd rush towards a Christian Louboutin Sample Sale if such a thing were ever to exist) the red carpet that starts the whole thing for me is The Golden Globes.

I thought I'd give you a run down of what i feel are my qualifications to comment on other people's fashions. I have:
  • been wearing clothes since 1977 (impressive eh?)
  • been buying clothes since 1981 (I remember my first purchase with my own money, a lemon yellow and black reversible 101 Dalmatian's jumper from Etam – yes it was very fashionable at the time)
  • a degree from The University of Opinions – I scored within the top 100% of my class.
  • a blog where I can say whatever the heck I want.
Therefore let the judgement begin!

Catherine Zeta Jones Obviously she tore down a curtain and got Monique Lhuillier to knock this up a la Scarlett O’Hara but it could be worse... she could be

Christina Aguilera Big sigh! With the make-up, the fake hair and figure hugging fishtail yuckiness it’s all wrong, and has anyone else noticed that she’s starting to bear an unfortunate resemblance to Patricia Arquette?

Natalie Portman You don’t have to look like someone wrapped you up in a peach sheet and stapled a red flower to your chest if you’re pregged up. You could wear Badgley Mischka Couture like Jane Krakowski – gorgeous!
Angelina Jolie, Atelier Versace
Not someone who usually gets it wrong, Angie seems to have found an old dress of her grandmothers, cut out the back and dumped it on. Not her best moment. If you want to see a similar dress worn correctly see Anne Hathaway in Armani
January Jones, Versace. She always does this! Her face and hair are amazing but her dress choices are quite out there. Personally I think if it had just been a tad more covered up this could have been my BEST DRESSED. As it is that honour goes to:

Dianna Agron in J mendel. So beautiful, God she looked like a fairy! The hair is perfect and the diamond flower necklace pulls the whole outfit together brilliantly.

Oliva Wilde in Marchesa. My husband’s current favourite (fair enough really!) was gorgeous as always and the studded yellow Christian Louboutin’s shoes were incredible.

Heather Morris. Usually overlooked due to the Lea Micheles and Dianna Agrons of the Glee world, but actually scrubs up rather well. Loved the hair and Heather’s silhouette in this nude sparkly Lorena Sarbu dress was stunning. One to watch in the fashion world.

Tilda Swinton WORST DRESSEDI did hear that she lives in a commune which if it’s true may explain why she always looks so awful. Obviously there is never a bathroom free when she’s trying to get ready so leaves without putting on any make-up or doing her hair, or looking at what she’s wearing, at all. Tilda, please stop coming to red carpet events, you are very very irritating.

Julianne Moore I honestly can’t say anything about this as I think it’s too cruel to comment on the fashion choices of a woman who is so obviously having a mental breakdown, Get well soon Julianne.

Emma Stone in Calvin Klein I love her I do, but seriously - what the fuck is that! Did someone cut out a large piece of Peach cardboard and pop it round her? Bad hair colour, bad dress colour, bad choice. She’s still cool though.

So there we have it. Mr Gervais seemed to have upset more than his fair share of influential actors and has pretty much secured never being asked back to host again. Fashion wise there were lots of greens, lots of black, lots of great shoes hidden by long dresses (why you aren’t allowed to have feet on the red carpet anymore is beyond me!) and lots of mistakes. Looking forward to the SAGs!

This is for Lauren as she is running a half marathon for all our golden globes. If you want to sponsor her click here.

Thursday 13 January 2011

Is it cheese or is it crack?

I’m not one of those people that suffer with addiction. I quit smoking in my early twenties without so much as a wistful glance at a cigarette and I’m the girl that asks for a glass of water half way through the evening and generally knows their limits. Sure, there have been one or two minor indiscretions with that last one (normally involving champagne, when the bubbles have called to me and made me order another bottle or just top up my glass one more time), but I digress... in general I've got a pretty good grip on those urges that can get us all into trouble.

Those who know me, may feel the need to bring up my desire for a certain red soled shoe and say that could come under the addiction umbrella, but I dispute this.

Though I do go a little weak of knee in the presence of such foot ingenuity, these little beauties have yet to make a significant dent in my credit card and therefore can be filed under 'indulgence' not 'addiction'. There are however two things that could, sort of possibly be described as my addiction. Those are TV and Cheese.
But aren't I being too hard on myself, those are just normal comforts aren't they? I mean the television is there for me when I come home from work, just ½ hr to relax me, or if I’ve been out all evening, whatever time I come in I automatically reach for the remote, just to unwind. If I’ve had a bad day, flicking channels takes the edge off (everyone knows that) and if I’ve had a good day it’s my treat. A reward I’ve earned, so that’s not really an addiction is it?

Cheese, Well honestly they must put something in it to make it taste like that so surely I can't be held responsible if I tried (and failed) to go a day without eating any (those shakey hands and cold sweats that turn up around tea time are a bitch aren't they?)

Though, now I'm thinking about it, I do recall on more than one occasion (obviously many years ago) not being able to sleep until I had reached into the fridge, taken a bite out of a hunk of cheddar and then wrapped it up again. But everyone does weird and inexcusable things in their youth don’t they?

It’s not like it's a one size fits all kind of product, there are so many lovely types of cheese out there. Creamy soft goats cheese, tangy stilton and the exotic Berthaut's Epoisses which may smell like week old feet that have been trampling through the fens but tastes like gooey heaven. Really you can’t help but admire something that goes so far to make itself available to us in such an array of forms, hard, soft, sliced, spray even string!
No, to say I’m an addict would be too harsh a description, I’m more a Connoisseur. I even know that you’re not meant to cling film it tightly or keep it in the fridge, you’re supposed to wrap it in brown paper and leave on the windowsill (or something).

But really, if I wanted to stop the watching and the eating, I could.
If I wanted to.
I just don’t want to s’all.

I can hear you judging me you know...

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