Right so 2016 seems to be when God decided he wanted a
heavenly festival to end all others and has summoned a couple of us home (Lemmy,
Bowie get the drinks in I’ll meet you at the bar in ‘large number’ of years). And
as January is a reflective time I’ve been pondering some of the things I learnt
over the last few years.
Skills
The privilege of being able to go on ski-ing holidays doesn’t
escape me. I’ve written about it before somewhat
bemoaning the pastime as my first two years were pretty gruelling. I know, I know that sounds like one of those
silver spoon motherf*ckers bitching about a first world problem. Truly I get
how you could think that but my lack of dare devilness meant I endured much
bruising and frustrated with myself tears were a daily occurrence. January 2015 however things were different and that flying thing you feel when you get ski-ing right is quite an
experience. I’m still slower and more
controlling than some others but I’m happy with my progress
Lesson: I’m happy learning a skill in my own time thank you very much.
Trust
2015 also saw my younger sister
get hitched. She, like many brides, had
a definite image of what her wedding would be.
Thing is that image dictated it would be January, in Inverness. My first thought was that we would get stuck
at Stansted unable to get there, or stuck in a barn on the way to the hotel
(aka The Hateful Eight). Or if I was
really overworking my imagination this:
I warned and warned my sister
coming up with Plan B’s, alternative towns to get hitched in and even
investigated having my husband ordained (not as easy as it was for Joey in
Friends) but she insisted it would be ok.
And so as I couldn’t control the situation at all I let it go. This was pretty difficult for me as I knew
that if anything went wrong there would be nothing I can do to fix it and would
have to just watch my sister be upset.
However this was also kind of freeing. She, being her own person and therefore
responsible for her own decisions was a bit of a revelation for me. I’m sure there were people who didn’t believe
my relaxed attitude was genuine but that too wasn’t within my control. Also quite
freeing. Anyway the whole thing went off
without a hitch and remains one of the best and most emo days of my life.
Lesson: I am not responsible for other people’s decisions.
Bullies
At the end of 2014 I started in a
job. Though I had only been in it a few
months by March 2015 I’d had a worse experience then most of my other jobs put
together and ended the day crying more than I’m willing to admit here. If it wasn’t for the support of my man I may
still be there. It’s he that gave me the
courage to walk into the office of a person I had come to be more than a little
un-nerved around and tell them I was quitting.
And that they had been part of the reason.
I honestly have never seen
someone back down so quickly in all my life, a person who had intimidated me
from the first week I got to my job literally shrunk before my eyes. This is not meant to belittle or degrade them it’s
just something I need to remember.
Lesson 1: I’ve got a great deal of support around me
Lesson 2: Bullies will back down
and you’ll feel better about yourself if you stand up to them.
Friendships.
Sooooo, a couple years ago I lost
a good friend. Not died-lost just had-a-problem-we-couldn’t-fix lost. And not a
best friend but someone I considered a good friend, a part of my wedding
friend. One who I visited and who
visited me on a weekly basis. For many reasons this 10 year old
friendship could not be resurrected and to be honest now I don’t think we would
fit into each other’s lives anymore.
This was incredibly sad at the time and screwed me up a bit with regard
to my other friendships. If this person had never really liked me, how do I know
everyone else doesn’t feel the same way - that took a while to work through I
can tell you. Most of what was said I
have forgiven or forgotten but one of the many things I was accused of really
stuck with me. That I am a materialistic
person and the world is a materialistic place.
Let’s break that down shall we? The definition of materialism is
stated as 'concern for possession to
the exclusion of spiritual or intellectual pursuits'. Basically thinking stuff you own
makes you all that. Is this me?
Is it fuck!
I’ll happily admit to liking
pretty things, even designer things but they are just that. Things! They’re not people, or memories or
architecture (things I am actually concerned with). And the world isn’t wholly this way either. True some of it is, but the outpouring of
emotion we’ve seen around the death of David Bowie shows me the world is
concerned with arts and culture as well as materials goods.
To be accused of this by someone
that I thought knew me well, was a lesson that people don’t always see you,
they project what they feel and think onto you.
Funny thing is that once I had
truly let go of that old, broken friendship it left room for better ones to
flourish. Some existing friendships deepened while other new ones evolved (yes
mostly with bloggers!). These were with positive, happy for themselves and
happy for me people and I might not have had room for them if I hadn't let go.
Lesson: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a
lifetime.
Well will you look at that, I managed to land on a positive note.
Wonder what I will discover over the next few
years?
