Right so 2016 seems to be when God decided he wanted a heavenly festival to end all others and has summoned a couple of us home (Lemmy, Bowie get the drinks in I’ll meet you at the bar in ‘large number’ of years). And as January is a reflective time I’ve been pondering some of the things I learnt over the last few years.
The privilege of being able to go on ski-ing holidays doesn’t escape me. I’ve written about it before somewhat bemoaning the pastime as my first two years were pretty gruelling. I know, I know that sounds like one of those silver spoon motherf*ckers bitching about a first world problem. Truly I get how you could think that but my lack of dare devilness meant I endured much bruising and frustrated with myself tears were a daily occurrence. January 2015 however things were different and that flying thing you feel when you get ski-ing right is quite an experience. I’m still slower and more controlling than some others but I’m happy with my progress
Lesson: I’m happy learning a skill in my own time thank you very much.
2015 also saw my younger sister get hitched. She, like many brides, had a definite image of what her wedding would be. Thing is that image dictated it would be January, in Inverness. My first thought was that we would get stuck at Stansted unable to get there, or stuck in a barn on the way to the hotel (aka The Hateful Eight). Or if I was really overworking my imagination this:
I warned and warned my sister coming up with Plan B’s, alternative towns to get hitched in and even investigated having my husband ordained (not as easy as it was for Joey in Friends) but she insisted it would be ok. And so as I couldn’t control the situation at all I let it go. This was pretty difficult for me as I knew that if anything went wrong there would be nothing I can do to fix it and would have to just watch my sister be upset. However this was also kind of freeing. She, being her own person and therefore responsible for her own decisions was a bit of a revelation for me. I’m sure there were people who didn’t believe my relaxed attitude was genuine but that too wasn’t within my control. Also quite freeing. Anyway the whole thing went off without a hitch and remains one of the best and most emo days of my life.
Lesson: I am not responsible for other people’s decisions.
At the end of 2014 I started in a job. Though I had only been in it a few months by March 2015 I’d had a worse experience then most of my other jobs put together and ended the day crying more than I’m willing to admit here. If it wasn’t for the support of my man I may still be there. It’s he that gave me the courage to walk into the office of a person I had come to be more than a little un-nerved around and tell them I was quitting. And that they had been part of the reason.
I honestly have never seen someone back down so quickly in all my life, a person who had intimidated me from the first week I got to my job literally shrunk before my eyes. This is not meant to belittle or degrade them it’s just something I need to remember.
Lesson 1: I’ve got a great deal of support around me
Lesson 2: Bullies will back down and you’ll feel better about yourself if you stand up to them.
Sooooo, a couple years ago I lost a good friend. Not died-lost just had-a-problem-we-couldn’t-fix lost. And not a best friend but someone I considered a good friend, a part of my wedding friend. One who I visited and who visited me on a weekly basis. For many reasons this 10 year old friendship could not be resurrected and to be honest now I don’t think we would fit into each other’s lives anymore. This was incredibly sad at the time and screwed me up a bit with regard to my other friendships. If this person had never really liked me, how do I know everyone else doesn’t feel the same way - that took a while to work through I can tell you. Most of what was said I have forgiven or forgotten but one of the many things I was accused of really stuck with me. That I am a materialistic person and the world is a materialistic place. Let’s break that down shall we? The definition of materialism is stated as 'concern for possession to the exclusion of spiritual or intellectual pursuits'. Basically thinking stuff you own makes you all that. Is this me?
Is it fuck!
I’ll happily admit to liking pretty things, even designer things but they are just that. Things! They’re not people, or memories or architecture (things I am actually concerned with). And the world isn’t wholly this way either. True some of it is, but the outpouring of emotion we’ve seen around the death of David Bowie shows me the world is concerned with arts and culture as well as materials goods.
To be accused of this by someone that I thought knew me well, was a lesson that people don’t always see you, they project what they feel and think onto you.
Funny thing is that once I had truly let go of that old, broken friendship it left room for better ones to flourish. Some existing friendships deepened while other new ones evolved (yes mostly with bloggers!). These were with positive, happy for themselves and happy for me people and I might not have had room for them if I hadn't let go.
Lesson: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Well will you look at that, I managed to land on a positive note.
Wonder what I will discover over the next few years?
Wonder what I will discover over the next few years?