The wonderings, ponderings and other 'ings' of me. Lifestyle, review, news and opinion posts. Chic with a hint of sarcasm... hopefully!

Wednesday 25 August 2010

Guilty Viewings

Pub 25/08/2010

I’m not entirely sure how this happened. I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person and generally like to watch a myriad of different programmes that don’t kill the brain cells.  But this afternoon I found myself looking up what time a particular family based show was going to be on. I knew it would be on at some point -there are enough series now that it is spit-roasted on E! Entertainment most days if not every day of the week. But the fact that I am consciously finding the schedule it has slotted into can only mean one thing. I have (again) been infected by American reality TV.

First it was The Hills, which I came across when I was off sick one day. Some pretty girl in white dress screaming ‘you know what you did! you know what you did!’ caught my attention and I became hooked. Loved the clothes, loved the drama, loved the fact that Spencer Pratt (name says it all really doesn’t it?) had a full on nervous breakdown in front of God knows how many thousands of people.
And yes for the first few seasons I really did think it was at least quasi-real. Obviously after the programme exploded and the girls couldn’t walk out the door without 25 paps running around after them they had take it off the street and onto a set. But still, it came across as classy reality and meant that the highly delusional, like myself, can pretend they have beautiful friends and live in LA. Then Lauren went and ruined it by refusing to be filmed anymore and all that was left were coke heads, air heads and one particularly self involved narcissistic spoilt little Colorado bitch 'head'.  So I assumed I would go back to watching normal stuff again. Unfortunately my jelly brain had other ideas and I am now all involved with a whole other bunch of people again. I guess its confession time so here goes - Ahem: I really like Keeping up with the Kardashians.

I know, I know! I can hear the groans and see the eye’s rolling from here, and while I am aware that this declaration of guilt may get The Man calling our solicitor to file for irreconcilable differences I can’t help it. I tried not to! but I think the fact that there are a number of parallels - three sisters, the middle one being the most successful, younger sister who takes no prisoners and older sister with a new baby and all that that entails – means I’m just so curious to see how it all pans out. Being the middle, I suppose my loyalties should lie with Kim but that’s not so. No offense intended but she is probably the best advert for make-up ever seen as without it she seems to resemble a new born baby bird.
Kim Kardashian
Khloe's definitely my favourite. From the first words she utters in the opening sequence, (‘the wind you guys, is this necessary’?) to how bad her language is endears her to me. Sure the whole married within a month thing, was a little off the cuff but at least she’s not with someone as gross as Scott Disick.

I genuinely don’t know what’s worse, the insincere crap that comes out of his mouth or the fact that he seems to think that we actually believe any of it. He may have Kourtney (the brunette version of Heidi Montag, only not so intelligent) wrapped around his little wiener, but the rest of the world aren't so dim-witted.

To quote the funniest Kardashian and add to the reasons why I like her, when Kourtney advised a radio show that she will probably have a second baby Khloe decided ‘we have to sew up her vagina’ I concur! Unsolicited advice time: Wake up Kourt, the father of your child has the word ‘Dick’ in his surname, surely even you can see no good can come from further breeding with this man?

So while this blog has seen to it that my latest reality TV lusting is no longer a secret I will still look forward to the times when The Man is out and I can turn on the TV and turn off my brain. 

 Now where did I put that remote again?


Tuesday 3 August 2010

Dick Jockey!

Pub 03/08/2010
Its not often I find myself in the unfortunate position of disagreeing with 8 million people, but mornings these days I have been considering how bad it would feel to hurl myself out of my first story window. I’m pretty certain it can’t hurt as much as listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1.

It wasn’t always this way, and it could well be me that has changed as I used to enjoy his late night antics of hanging up on people and generally being rude to the less intelligent members of the public. I was so pleased when he first took over from Sara Cox seven years ago, who at the time constantly ‘ummed’ and ‘erred’ the whole way through her breakfast show. Turns out she’s gone all brillimerant now that she’s got a few years practice under her belt and is one of my favourites to listen to, who knew?

Back then, Moyles was able to take the mickey out of himself as well as everyone else.  Maybe that’s because he didn’t have a crowd around him constantly telling him he was great and/or putting up with all his spoilt little rich kid behaviour. But with his ego having inflated to a disproportionate size what used to be entertaining is now just annoying.

Take last Friday morning for example. Dominic Burns is trying to read the weather while, ever terrified we may forget he’s there, Chris constantly interrupts and starts force feeding him cheesecake. God Damn it Moyles, he said no three times and you kept choo-chooing your way into his report. And we all know why, a) you get to stop him from having any air time if his face is full of cake and b) you get to confirm your alpha male status. It would probably be less obvious if you just got it out and pissed all around his desk.

I don't need you to say 'question number two' seven times in the quiz and Chris, you don't have to replay clips of other people's mistakes over and over again. Obviously he has never screwed up in his radio career, but if he had I very much doubt any of the guys he works with have the balls play it every 9 seconds for what seems like the whole of the 3.5hr show.

His constant cringy flirtation with Fearne Cotton is real car crash listening, and just one sentence springs to mind whenever he is asking her to dinner and she is coming up with seven different reasons why she can’t make it: She’s. Just. Not. That. Into. You.

The cereal flake that broke the bowl for me was the last McFly day. Not that the song is a problem, on the contrary it’s something they have got right recently.  Along with the ‘Where Am I’ game which of course they are retiring as it has made a star of Westwood and Moyles couldn’t possibly allow that! No, I actually look forward to singing along to 'Star Girl' in my car on the way to the office. Unfortunately so enchanted is Moyles with his own voice that his ‘introduction to the song' or blathering on about nothing, meant I had already arrived at work by the time the song had started!

I am aware there is a rather obvious solution here, I could turn him off or indeed over but I keep him around for two reasons. Firstly the rest of his team are quite funny. Secondly if it’s his voice I hear in the morning I am more inclined to get up when the alarm goes off. Granted this is just to remove the radio from the socket and throw it against the wall in a bid to release some frustration that a man so lacking in talent has been on morning radio for 7 years AND has just signed a contract for at least another year.... And breathe! But still…

Luckily for me, we have just reached one of the many blissful parts of the year when Chris is on holiday (fingers crossed for another load of volcano ash just over wherever he is!) and Scott Mills takes over. Time for a new facebook group me thinks!
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