So last
weekend I got a taste of parenthood which came about because my husband
volunteered us to look after my niece. For. Four. Days. Yes I know four
days isn’t much when it comes to a lifetime of care, but for non-parents who do
give a toss what happens to their charges it’s definitely a window into the
breeder’s world.
I
honestly think you lot might be a little bit tapped in the head.
Don't get
me wrong hanging out with kids is easy, fun even. Getting to know their personalities,
hearing what they think and why they think it. Working out which is the
best character in Frozen (the snowman right?) and watching them all sleepy
after a hard days drawing. All heart-warming stuff indeed.
Looking
after them for a few hours is pretty good too, it just requires a bit more
attention to detail and depending on their age proofing/bolting doors to drinks
cabinets etc. But parenting - which I've decided is what happens if you're in
charge of a lil' bit for more than 24 hours - is a whole different shit
storm.
It starts
with breakfast if the kid in question is fussy, which from what I can see a lot
of them are, and continues until they go to sleep. We cheated and spent
at least one day hanging with ‘real’ parents which was a God send until
bedtime. There's a certain jolt of fear
that you’ll only have ever felt if you've encountered a cross armed, cross
faced little girl who is refusing to sleep in a "boys bed". They’re very good at wearing those in
charge of them down aren’t they? Repeating the same sentence again and
again and again like a 15 second Groundhog day. It was Mexican standoff of epic proportions
and required the steeliest of nerves. Had there been an
alternative in this situation I would most likely have caved.
And do
you have the voice of temptation, pleading with you to negotiate for a quiet
life constantly playing in your head?
Cos I did, what to watch, how long to watch it, when to give in and when to
stand firm. Eventually, given the lack
of sleep, seeing as the blighters are up with the lark and brain numbing power
of Monster High (some odd cartoon full of skinny, preteen-monsters in 6 inch
heels and short skirts) any non-parent is bound to do something wrong. Now you’re faced with this insane guilt at
handling a situation badly and the image of a teary face that will haunt you for the
best part of forever. How can something be this much fun whilst simultaneously
being this bloody exhausting?
So kudos
to all you that are raising anything more than an eyebrow. I now think of you
as clinically insane superheroes. In possession of powers which enable
you to weave your way through the minefield of dinner time dramas, retrieving socks/shoes from under trampolines/behind sofas, stopping fights and starting stories. All whilst finding new
and interesting ways of getting vegetables eaten, teeth brushed without being
made to feel like you've stabbed the kid repeatedly with a carving knife and
answering the age old question ‘but why’?
Honestly. Well done!
4 comments
Oh goodness you're a braver woman than I am Alice! I'd like to think I would have acted cool and been like "it's that bed or you'll just have to sleep on the floor then" but I probably would have been desperately searching for a 24hr supplier of flat pack 'girl beds', such is the terror of upsetting someone's child!!
Laura | Loved By Laura
Thanks I felt brave! Seeing as it's family I took the risk. Wouldn't do it for a non relative though!
Honestly, I'm the same - parents must be saints...
Indeed. They seem to love it though (well the good ones do anyway!). Not a job I envy!
Post a Comment