Oscars breakdown

Whilst the vast majority of the reviewing world tend to watch the film then report on it, I have on many occasions found myself drawn to or repelled by a movie purely by a a fleeting glance at the trailer or the name of the picture in question. Judgemental maybe, I rather think of it as giving all unseen films a fair chance (they do at last all start on the same level).

So I have decided to impart my opinion on Oscar films for this year. All of the below are being hailed as worthy of praise (hence the Oscar nod - is this one of those times when I am stating the obvious again? yes, oh OK, I digress) and none of which I have seen. Feel free to use this as the mark by which all other reviews are to meet (or not, y'know please yourself).

HUGO
Being not of the upper crust, the only Hugo I know is him from Made in Chelsea, and whilst his sarcasm makes him one of my most favourite people to watch here (not hard) the makers of this film must have done wonders to make this two dimensional character 3D. Why they decided to make a film about his childhood is beyond me but the problem here is the many anomalies. I mean I seriously doubt he lived in walls and fixed robots before he became a reality TV moron. Researchers beware, get your facts right before you go ahead with your whimsical ideas! Still may see it on DVD though.

WAR HORSE
Stevie Stevie, Stevie, you had a hand in the Goonies FFS and maybe you should have stopped there because a film about a horse tells me you've been spending to much time with your head in an asbestos soaked room. Especially as the trailer includes sycophantic horse lovers exclaiming 'Oooh look at him run isn't he a miracle?' Erm no he's not, know why? Running is what horses do when there are loud noises like (Oh I don't know, war and guns going off willy nilly!) Really can't be bothered with this one. - (ps sorry Helen R, I know this won't have gone down well with you!)

MONEYBALL
Props to Jonah Hill for being noticed alongside a film with Brad Pitt in it, let alone getting an Oscar nod for Best Supporting Actor. Thought it looked a bit dull at first but I do enjoy films about the underdog doing well and am a very sporty kind of person (I have been known to watch rugby AND formula 1 in the same weekend!). I'll probable stick it on my Love Films list at some point in the future.

THE ARTIST
A black and white silent film is not something I thought I would ever get the chance to see at the cinema and so I feel I should go and everyone I speak to, with the exception of 1 says its amazing, but if they left off the rest of the title (formerly known as... come on we all know that!) I wonder what else they left out? Anyway I've already seen Purple Rain and think that's as good as it gets when it comes to Prince films.

THE HELP
They really aren't doing so well this year are they? Recycling film ideas, missing words out another and now they are adding words in! There was no 'The' in 'Help' the Movie. It also had far fewer black workers and many more white Liverpudlians musicians. There is such a thing as taking artistic integrity too far!

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
Woody Allen - a man who when asked why he chose to have a relationship with his adopted daughter reportedly said 'the heart wants what the heart wants' is still making films rather than being run out of Hollywood and forced to hang out with the Gary Glitters of this world. This boggles me and as such I have vowed never to watch his films again. Instead of this drivel, I'd recommend'An American Werewolf in London' the special effects are phenomenally dated but the love story is a classic. Go see this before you see Allen's douchey offering.

So there you have it, one meticulously checked for details, well thought out and researched report on the films on offer this year.

Feel free to add your own favourite below.