Regal Eagles

So first off, massive apologies for not saying before that I was at Thee Wedding. Kate had sworn me to secrecy and I conceded only when she hinted that her new granny was thinking of making her and Wills Duke and Duchess of my town. Now its all over I can report the goss.

I was one of the first to arrive (so you probably wouldn’t have seen me). Fashion wise, it wasn’t the outfits taking centre stage, it was the hats and there was a smorgasbord of adornings mainly by the hat king, Philip Treacy. Giving a whole new meaning to the phrase giving head, Mr T. decided everyone would look like their fascinators were about to fall off as the style seemed to be place it on your forehead and hope it stays there by sheer force of fashion. A little 'emperors new clothes' if you ask me but as most of the royals were doing it, the talking point was more the colours and cut than the creative director’s thoughts behind the placement.

As she arrived I noticed Princess B and so did the rest of the world. Possibly in a bid to remind everyone that her mum wasn't invited but she was here and wasn’t about to blend in with the crown, her nude lobster-esk headpiece had everyone talking (there's even a facebook group dedicated to it!)

Yes it was over the top but if you can't look like a well dressed mental patient at your cousin, who just happens to be the future king's wedding when can you? Personally I preferred her sister Eugenie's blue hat with a neutral feather and purple flower, she looked like an eighteenth century princess and seemed way more comfortable.

Celebrity paled in comparison, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson looked like a cross between something from the Wizard of Oz and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Luckily Victoria Beckham brought a little class back in her Phillip Treacy navy structured creation. Still haven’t seen her smiling though.

Onto the dress which I caught a glimpse of after Kate had been walking for a proximately 2.36 minutes, it was of course lovely. Kate looked incredibly regal in her Sarah Burton (so McQueen) dress with a sweet neckline, but under all that serious amount of lace it was, dare I say, a little dull?

I can confirm that what Harry said to Wills when he turned to look at his brother's bride to be was 'yep she's hot and I would' but in the end, between stopping Vicky downing any champagne and marching up to the new princess to demand why she didn’t wear one of her creations and forcing Ellie to drink something to calm her nerves before the couple’s first dance, I was really quite exhausted.

I’m really much more looking forward to M&R’s wedding in June, and I promise not to be so secretive when its Harry’s turn.

Disclaimer: 99.9% of this post is made-up.