The wonderings, ponderings and other 'ings' of me. Lifestyle, review, news and opinion posts. Chic with a hint of sarcasm... hopefully!

Tuesday 20 June 2017

Layaway Friendships

We all have them.  People who you were so close to but now never see and barely even speak with.  If you don’t yet, count yourself lucky but it happens to everyone eventually, friendships slip away.  

I'm not talking about those that part company after a disagreement, it’s the ones that have just dropped away, usually for one of two reasons.  Either one person has moved to another part of the world and time zones have killed things off or its when one has kids and the other doesn't.   For many, including me it's that the second one that is at fault.

Inspired by @Lifesacatwalk’s post on outgrowing friendships I've been thinking about those people in my life that I truly love but that haven't been around for a considerable amount of time.  Old friends who don't seem to ever be free to come to my neck of the woods.  And when we did meet up would spend what time we had together talking about themselves or focused on their kids.  

These aren't people that have treated me badly, on the contrary up until some years ago I would have said they were as close as family.  It’s just that their interests and time constraints have made it more than a little tricky for us to connect. The years pass, the divide grows and any invitation sent seems to get ignored or acknowledged with an ‘absolutely let’s fix a date’.  But the date never gets fixed.

Just so I am clear and people don't loose their shit talking about generalisation I'm not saying this is everyone that has children.  For some the balance seems to work naturally and I have many friends who are parents that I see regularly.  It is also not in any way an attack on those that choose to have offspring.  Yay for you and your valid life choice, it’s just one that I didn’t make for myself. And I have zero regrets about that.

Now if you're reading this post and seeing yourself please don’t think for one moment you have to explain or persuade me to understand why things are separating between us.  I get it. Your kids are everything to you, you’re busy being a parent, a person and a mum* or you live in a time zone that doesn't match with mine. There isn’t always room to see and catch up with everyone you love. 

And the thing is I've changed too.  I have so many blessings in my life that are important to me.  I too have a limited amount of time to spend with family and friends, on my passions and career aspirations. I'm not going anywhere but I’m equally not able to instigate our meetings either.

Maybe you too feel a tinge of regret that we haven't caught up recently or you haven't replied to a message.  If so I hope you know that there is no judgement, no grudges held or feelings hurt from my side of things.  Its okay, better than okay its life and I'll be here ready to chat when we can both invest in this relationship again.

Don’t worry, I know I'll see you soon.

*or dad


Gemma Lifesacatwalk said...

I absolutely love this post. I found myself nodding the whole way through it!

TmS said...

Thanks for posting this. It's always a little scary to get personal but it seems quite a few people feel the same way.

Anonymous said...

Ditto what Gemma said. This is so spot on. But sometimes the guilt can feel overwhelming. Having children always seems like the more justifiable barrier if that makes sense...

TmS said...

It certainly does! It seems very few parents can empathise with those of us that choose to be child free.

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