Hello one of the coolest looking awards (designed by Treacy no less). Hello One Direction’s multitudes of fans forcing yet another award win on the five boys. Hello sycophantic compliments being thrown around by pop stars and celebs that barely know each other (you're amazing, no YOU'RE amazing!) All this means one thing, it’s time for the Brits.
The Brits has taken a beating of late, Robbie Williams apparently said last years was as interesting as a dentists convention, which seems odd because how would he know? It is possible that Dentist's conventions are a white coated mardi gras. They could have Nitrous Oxide sprayed through the air conditioning systems and free Novocaine for anyone that has all their wisdom teeth still intact at the end of the weekend!
But true it has been less rock and roll, more rocket salad and roll mops the last few years so let’s see what they had in store for us this time. Well Arctic Monkeys won Best British Group, like they did before and gave possibly the worst speech it has ever been my misfortune to hear. Fans thought Alex Turner was drunk but this can’t be true. Drunken people slur and, even if it is car crash TV, are at least vaguely entertaining; he was just mind-numbingly dull and rather petulant. Another thing that happened, James Corden and Nick Grimshaw had a snog - I swear I saw tongues - like they did before. Also David Bowie won Best British Male Solo Artist, just like he did 30 years before, didn’t turn up, just like before and sent another of my ‘favourite’ people along to accept his award for him. So, all fresh and interesting stuff then, yes?
Moving on, the fashions were at least noteworthy. Ellie Goulding was suitably star struck as Prince gave out her award for Best British Female and looked divine in gold shimmering gown, I love how normal she is. Katy Perry performed in what can only be described as a psychedelic Egyptian leotard; I love how normal she isn’t. Me thinks her costume designer sucked down a bottle of absinthe before she put colouring pencils to paper for that one. Katy’s other dress of the evening, a Julian MacDonald Spring/Summer 2014 offering, was much better and prompted my husband’s only comment of the night ‘great rack’.
Lily Allen (someone I'm still very much on the fence about) swayed me more to be on the ‘yay you’ side by presenting an award dressed as what I can only assume is a Strawberry Shortcake doll on Acid.
Notable high point for fashion was Beyoncé in a Vrettos Vrettakos shimmering green/blue gown but it was Lorde that I noticed has started to up her game. Her decidedly dodgy lipstick did reminded me of a shade I used to wear when I was 17, though I doubt her one would have been Black Mulberry by the Body Shop £1.49 (in 1990). However the Tom Ford sparkly number rocked it and though a little Zombie-esk in her dance moves the girl can sing, you just know there’s much more coming from this little firecracker.
Harry Styles was seemingly up to his old tricks again as he was missing, presumed shagging, when the 1Ders went up to collect their first award. No fear though, the hordes of twitter followers made certain they were up there again to collect the twitter voted award of Best Video. Sigh, is there any chance we can lock these guys in a Nitrous Oxide chamber soon and just leave them there? at least they’ll have a good time on their way out!