Its not often I find myself in the unfortunate position of disagreeing with 8 million people, but mornings these days I have been considering how bad it would feel to hurl myself out of my first story window. I’m pretty certain it can’t hurt as much as listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1.
It wasn’t always this way, and it could well be me that has changed as I used to enjoy his late night antics of hanging up on people and generally being rude to the less intelligent members of the public. I was so pleased when he first took over from Sara Cox seven years ago, who at the time constantly ‘ummed’ and ‘erred’ the whole way through her breakfast show. Turns out she’s gone all brillimerant now that she’s got a few years practice under her belt and is one of my favourites to listen to, who knew?
Back then, Moyles was able to take the mickey out of himself as well as everyone else. Maybe that’s because he didn’t have a crowd around him constantly telling him he was great and/or putting up with all his spoilt little rich kid behaviour. But with his ego having inflated to a disproportionate size what used to be entertaining is now just annoying.
Take last Friday morning for example. Dominic Burns is trying to read the weather while, ever terrified we may forget he’s there, Chris constantly interrupts and starts force feeding him cheesecake. God Damn it Moyles, he said no three times and you kept choo-chooing your way into his report. And we all know why, a) you get to stop him from having any air time if his face is full of cake and b) you get to confirm your alpha male status. It would probably be less obvious if you just got it out and pissed all around his desk.
I don't need you to say 'question number two' seven times in the quiz and Chris, you don't have to replay clips of other people's mistakes over and over again. Obviously he has never screwed up in his radio career, but if he had I very much doubt any of the guys he works with have the balls play it every 9 seconds for what seems like the whole of the 3.5hr show.
His constant cringy flirtation with Fearne Cotton is real car crash listening, and just one sentence springs to mind whenever he is asking her to dinner and she is coming up with seven different reasons why she can’t make it: She’s. Just. Not. That. Into. You.
The cereal flake that broke the bowl for me was the last McFly day. Not that the song is a problem, on the contrary it’s something they have got right recently. Along with the ‘Where Am I’ game which of course they are retiring as it has made a star of Westwood and Moyles couldn’t possibly allow that! No, I actually look forward to singing along to 'Star Girl' in my car on the way to the office. Unfortunately so enchanted is Moyles with his own voice that his ‘introduction to the song' or blathering on about nothing, meant I had already arrived at work by the time the song had started!
I am aware there is a rather obvious solution here, I could turn him off or indeed over but I keep him around for two reasons. Firstly the rest of his team are quite funny. Secondly if it’s his voice I hear in the morning I am more inclined to get up when the alarm goes off. Granted this is just to remove the radio from the socket and throw it against the wall in a bid to release some frustration that a man so lacking in talent has been on morning radio for 7 years AND has just signed a contract for at least another year.... And breathe! But still…
Luckily for me, we have just reached one of the many blissful parts of the year when Chris is on holiday (fingers crossed for another load of volcano ash just over wherever he is!) and Scott Mills takes over. Time for a new facebook group me thinks!